Shrek’s 30 Funniest Quotes

Shrek is one of the most iconic characters in the history of animated movies — and the best Shrek quotes are proof of why. In fact, he’s easily one of the most iconic characters in the history of cinema, period. Mike Myers took the lead character in a satire of fairy tales that was, at the time, considered to be risky and turned him into a deep, engaging, and lovable guy. Shrek subverts the clichés of the fantasy genre by being an ogre who ultimately becomes heroic when he’s given a chance to save a beautiful princess — who also turns out to be an ogre.

With Shrek 5 in development, it seems as if the big green ogre’s place in pop culture isn’t soon to be relinquished. Shrek by and large made DreamWorks a household name, and, two decades and four films later, they remain as influential as ever. It’s been a full decade since Shrek Forever After, the most recent entry in the franchise, debuted, but audiences are always ready for more witty quips and dry jokes from this hapless hero of fabricated folklore. While waiting for Shrek 5, audiences can still return to the kingdom of Far, Far Away to relive some of the best Shrek quotes.

“Well, My Stomach Aches And My Palms Just Got Sweaty, Must Be A High School.”

Shrek The Third

The funniest Shrek quotes aren’t relegated just to the first film. In Shrek the Third, Shrek, Donkey, and Puss in Boots journey to find the future King Arthur, finding him enrolled in a place called Worcestershire. As Donkey pontificates about what the place may be, Shrek notes a familiar feeling, with his stomachache and sweaty palms confirming that Worcestershire is a high school. Despite the fact that Shrek almost certainly didn’t attend a high school in his teenage years, this line is nevertheless spot-on for anyone who has. Shrek’s signature sarcasm and reliability once again deliver one of his funniest lines in the franchise.

“If You Think This Mad Scene Ain’t Dope, I Feel You, Dude.”

Shrek The Third

Another one of the best Shrek quotes comes from his dealings with the teenage Artie. Though Shrek seemed to have a good sense of what it was like to be a high schooler, he certainly didn’t have the appropriate lingo for it. In a feeble attempt to relate to Artie, Shrek dusts off some old phrases and makes up a few new ones along the way. Watching the grumpy ogre attempt to see eye-to-eye with a typical high schooler will never get old, especially after he crashes and burns so quickly, setting up one of Artie’s best lines: “I’ve been kidnapped by a monster who’s trying to relate to me!”

“I Already Had A Big Bowl Of Curly-Toed Weirdo For Breakfast.”

Shrek: Forever After

Given his appearance, Shrek finds that many people assume the worst after meeting him. After a while, however, he comes to embrace their presumptions about him, often replying to their fears with witty retorts. This was certainly the case the first time he met Rumpelstiltskin, who wondered if the ogre would eat him. Though Shrek replied to Rumpelstiltskin’s panicked cries with one of the best Shrek quotes, this line still shows how difficult his life is when dealing with those who fear him. This is a concept that has carried the franchise through many decades, and will likely continue if Shrek 5 ever hits theaters.

“How Do You Explain Sgt. Pompous And The Fancy Pants Club Band?”

Shrek 2

The funniest Shrek quotes usually are inspired by the ogre poking fun at his surroundings or other characters. “Shrek” and “fancy” are two words that rarely go together, as was certainly the case when Fiona’s parents sent a brigade of buglers and presenters to the swamp to invite the two ogres to Far, Far Away. Seeing this display of pomp and pride, Shrek had a few choice words for the king and queen’s attendants. This line not only provided a bit of color commentary from the signature sarcastic ogre, but it also set up the disparity between Shrek and his in-laws that would carry throughout the entire sequel.

“For Five Minutes, Could You Not Be Yourself?”

Shrek 2

The funniest Shrek quotes often see Donkey involved somehow. While embarking on their long journey from the swamp to Far, Far Away with Shrek and Fiona, Donkey found himself at a loss for entertainment. His constant ramblings and annoying noises eventually got on Shrek’s nerves, causing him to lash out at his animal sidekick, asking if he could try being someone else. The friendship between Shrek and Donkey has always been one of the many highlights of the Shrek franchise. His blowing up at Donkey is one of the funniest moments in the entire first act of Shrek 2, and perhaps one of the duo’s best moments.

“Do You Think He’s Maybe Compensating For Something?”

Shrek

The great thing about the Shrek movies is that they’re filled with innuendos, and the best Shrek quotes certainly reflect that. These adult jokes in Shrek are little winks to the parents in the audience that often go right over the heads of the children watching, providing something for audiences of all ages to enjoy. A good example of this is when Shrek and Donkey first arrive at Lord Farquaad’s castle and Shrek notices just how tall and wide it is. He cracks, “That must be Lord Farquaad’s castle. Do you think he’s maybe compensating for something?” Perhaps he was simply referring to his height but, somehow, that doesn’t seem likely.

“Actually, It’s Quite Good On Toast.”

Shrek

In the opening scene of Shrek, a group of villagers gets together with their torches and pitchforks to kill the local ogre. Attempting to rile his friends up, one villager says that the ogre will “grind your bones for its bread,” but Shrek himself shows up to correct him with one of the best Shrek quotes. He casually says, “Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres – oh, they’re much worse. They’ll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! They’ll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it’s quite good on toast.” Naturally, this is enough to paralyze the mob in fear.

“Donkey, You Have The Right To Remain Silent…What You Lack Is The Capacity.”

Shrek 2

Once again Donkey plays a big role in the funniest Shrek quotes. Midway through Shrek 2, when Shrek has turned into a handsome human being and Donkey has turned into a noble stallion, they get arrested by the Far, Far Away police. Donkey tells the officers apprehending him that “nobody said I have the right to remain silent!,” and Shrek quips, “Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.” Naturally, Shrek’s witty retort to Donkey’s panicked screaming goes right over his head, making the wisecrack all the funnier. Audiences will certainly never tire of Shrek’s cracks at his best friend.

“Well, That’s Not Very Nice. It’s Just A Donkey.”

Shrek

There’s no question that the first movie contains some of the funniest Shrek quotes. When Shrek first confronts Lord Farquaad as he’s auditioning knights to carry out a daring quest for him, the diminutive villain says “what’s that? It’s hideous!” in reference to the giant, green ogre standing in front of him. Shrek quips back, “Well, that’s not very nice. It’s just a donkey,” in reference to his four-legged sidekick. Donkey is so childlike and naive that he doesn’t seem to notice a lot of these backhanded insults, carrying on without a second thought.

“That’ll Do, Donkey. That’ll Do.”

Shrek

There’s a rickety bridge in Shrek that leads to the tower housing Princess Fiona. By the time Shrek gets a terrified Donkey to go out onto the bridge, he’s not at all scared because he’s just relieved to have calmed Donkey down with one of the best Shrek quotes. While the Babe reference might have gone over many younger viewers’ heads, Shrek’s line adds to the franchise’s ongoing list of references to films that, by all means, could never exist in-universe. Nevertheless, the series’ tongue-in-cheek comedy can’t be faulted for leaping at the chance to make as many pop culture references as possible.

“Ogres Are Like Onions.”

Shrek

By far one of the best Shrek quotes has to do with the famous comparison of ogres to onions. When Shrek first tells Donkey that ogres are like onions, Donkey thinks he means they stink. Then, he thinks he means they make people cry. In a sense, he’s right about both of them, but they’re also stereotypes of ogres. He’s getting further and further away from the point, so Shrek explains it to him. What Shrek is really getting at is that ogres have emotional layers. They’re complex individuals, as Donkey would later find out as he saw Shrek fall in love and learn to appreciate having close friends.

“Donkey, Two Words: Shut. Up!”

Shrek

One of the best Shrek quotes also features in nearly every movie. Having lived in almost complete solitude for most of his life, Shrek has become an ogre of few words. So, when he comes across an excessively-talkative donkey, he can’t help but be short with him. In the original 2001 film, Lord Farquaad tasks the pair with rescuing a princess from a dragon-guarded castle, and, while Shrek is merely nonplused, Donkey is outright terrified. The animal won’t stop talking Shrek’s ear off as they search for Fiona, which prompts Shrek to make his annoyance known with this hilarious quote.

“A Stack Of Freshly Made Waffles In The Middle Of The Forest?”

Shrek: Forever After

The Shrek movies are known for their meta references to fairy tale tropes, often resulting in the funniest Shrek quotes. For example, in Shrek Forever After, as the title character and Donkey are out in the woods and see a beautiful stack of waffles, Donkey is excited, but Shrek can see that it’s obviously some kind of ploy. In an old Hans Christian Andersen story, the characters would blindly fall for a trick like this, but Shrek points out how absurd and on-the-nose this trick is. Still, Donkey’s dumb enough to fall for it – and he established his love of waffles as far back as the first movie.

“This Is The Part Where You Run Away.”

Shrek

After sneaking up on a band of villagers in the beginning moments of the first Shrek movie, the eponymous creature reminds them of how vicious ogres can be before licking his fingers and putting out a man’s torch. After that, he accosts the group with a deep, guttural roar, sending the group into a panic. Apparently completely stunned, Shrek then gently suggests with one of the best Shrek quotes that they ought to make a hasty escape, whispering, “This is the part where you run away.” Shrek clearly takes pleasure in tormenting the townspeople, and this quote exemplifies his often deadpan delivery.

“Look At Him In His Wee Li’l Boots!”

Shrek 2

Antonio Banderas’ Zorro-like portrayal of the old folklore character Puss in Boots quickly became just as beloved as any character from the first movie when he joined Shrek and Donkey in Shrek 2. His technique of looking adorable with gigantic eyes to get his opponents to drop their guard before launching an attack on them is fool-proof. It worked on Shrek and Donkey when they first encountered him in the woods and Shrek said one of the most memorable Shrek quotes, and it would later work with a few other people later on in the franchise. He proved to be so popular that he got his own spin-off series.

“It’s Time To Pack Up Your Toothbrush And Jammies. You’re The New King Of Far Far Away.”

Shrek The Third

Following in the traditions of the fairy tales that inspired them, the Shrek movies usually revolve around Shrek and Donkey going on some kind of quest, and it’s from these experiences that the best Shrek quotes are born. In Shrek the Third, that quest is to find the heir to Fiona’s father’s throne after he passes away. The kid’s name is Arthur — or “Artie,” as he’s referred to in the movie— and he’s played by Justin Timberlake. When Shrek arrives at Artie’s school to take him back to Far Far Away to claim his throne, the other students assume he’s there to eat him — and then they’re actually disappointed that he’s not.

“What Are You Doing In My Swamp!?”

Shrek

By far one of the best quotes is “What are you doing in my swamp?!”. This one is mainly memorable because it became a widely-circulated Shrek meme, but Mike Myers’ delivery of the line is just as memorable. Shrek didn’t even want Donkey staying in his swamp, and he discovers in the middle of the night that Lord Farquaad has sent every fantasy creature in his entire realm to live in Shrek’s swamp. He just wanted to be left alone, and now he was being forced to share his sanctuary with dozens of other people. Not only that, but they wanted to actually live inside his house.

“I’m An Ogre! You Know, ‘Grab Your Torch And Pitchforks!’”

Shrek

When Shrek first meets Donkey, he’s floored by the fact that Donkey doesn’t seem to care that he’s an ogre and busts out one of the best Shrek quotes. What ties Shrek to Toy Story is that they both revolve around an iconic duo who initially don’t get along, but, after going on an incredible adventure together, they become the best of friends. In Toy Story, that duo is Woody and Buzz. In Shrek, it’s Shrek and Donkey. They do have slightly different relationships, however. While Buzz and Woody were apprehensive of one another, Donkey was instantly accepting of Shrek, even if Shrek was reluctant to open up to him.

“Someday, I Will Repay You. Unless, Of Course, I Can’t Find You Or If I Forget.”

Shrek 2

One of the funniest Shrek quotes appears in Shrek 2 as the titular ogre is on his way to save Fiona from being tricked into marrying Prince Charming. As a part of his gallant plan to rescue her, he has to steal some clothes. But, he does promise to pay them back for the clothes — unless he’s unable to find them, or he forgets he owes them clothes. The joke, of course, is that Shrek’s word here isn’t worth its weight in the mud in which the character bathes. With all the commotion of the movie’s climax, he’ll probably forget about these guys.

“It’s On My To-Do List!”

Shrek

In the first Shrek movie, the title character is not exactly what Fiona is expecting when she’s awoken in the castle guarded by the dragon. She’s expecting a handsome prince to come and kiss her, and, instead, she gets an ogre who shakes her violently to jolt her awake. When she comes out of her slumber and gets to know the situation, she realizes that Shrek hasn’t actually slain the dragon before saving her like he was supposed to, resulting in one of the best Shrek quotes as he does assure her that it’s on his to-do list.

“Well, Somebody Better Be Dying!”

Shrek The Third

What makes this one of the best Shrek quotes is the irony in his words predicting the situation at hand. After marrying Fiona and settling down in the distant kingdom of Far Far Away, Fiona brings up the topic of raising a family. Shrek doesn’t seem all that keen on the idea, but their conversation is interrupted by a messenger, prompting Shrek to spout this quote. As it happens, the amphibian King Harold actually is dying. These events set the plot of the third Shrek movie in motion, as Shrek is tasked with tracking down Harold’s successor. Of course, this doesn’t help to change Shrek’s already-surly mood.

“Cute, Button Nose? Thick, Wavy Locks? Taut, Round Buttocks?”

Shrek 2

The big twist in Shrek was that halfway through the movie, Fiona was revealed to have been cursed by a witch to be an ogre unless she received true love’s kiss. So, it made sense to flip that twist in the sequel and have Shrek drink a potion that turns him into a handsome human and prompts one of the funniest Shrek quotes. As he wakes up in a barn and discovers his human features — and that Donkey is now a majestic white stallion — he lists off everything that’s attractive about his new body, such as an adorable nose, a thick head of hair, and a “taut” rear end.

“Donkey, If It Was Me, You’d Be Dead.”

Shrek

After receiving a promise from Lord Farquaad that he’ll remove all of the fairy tale creatures from his swamp if he rescues Princess Fiona, Shrek and Donkey travel across the land in search of the castle in which she has been imprisoned. They find the castle surrounded by a lake of lava which gives off a strong sulphuric scent. Donkey decides that it’s actually Shrek’s sudden flatulence and complains about the smell. Shrek, having absolutely none of his partner’s nonsense, says one of the best Shrek quotes by retorting with “if it was me, you’d be dead.”

“You’re Going The Right Way For A Smacked Bottom.”

Shrek

Among the many threats against Donkey that make up the best Shrek quotes, this one is made better by his accent. According to CBR, Mike Myers took Shrek’s Scottish accent from the voice his mother used to use when she read him fairy tales as a kid. He recorded his lines for the first movie with a few different accents, mostly from different regions of Canada, and they just couldn’t find a voice that fit. According to Shrek trivia, it actually cost the studio millions of dollars to keep reanimating the movie to suit the new voice recordings. In the end, he found the accent that suited the character: Scottish.

“Like That’s Ever Gonna Happen.”

Shrek

In the introduction to the first Shrek movie, the titular character reads from a storybook that foretells a brave knight going on an epic quest and discovering true love. He then tears a page out of the book while laughing and uttering one of the best Shrek quotes. This proceeds one of the most memed movie intros of all time. Shrek throws open the door to an outhouse and saunters out while Smash Mouth’s iconic song “Rockstar” plays in the background. This immediately sets the tone for the entire franchise and made Shrek a lovable and totally hilarious character.

“Inside, Waiting For Us To Rescue Her.”

Shrek

One of the best Shrek quotes comes from feeling burdened by having to rescue Princess Fiona. As Shrek and Donkey are exploring the formidable tower, Donkey wonders where the rumored dragon is, and says, “So where is this fire-breathin’ pain in the neck, anyway?”. Shrek quips “Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.” Of course, Donkey gives his traveling companion some bombastic side-eye for this little remark. It’s one of the many Shrek quotes that are character-defining, and Shrek immediately assumed that Fiona would be the worst based on previous interactions with humans.

“Join The Club. We Got Jackets.”

Shrek 2

Some of the best Shrek quotes usually have to do with the title character being wildly misunderstood by those around him. The same goes for this Shrek 2 gem, as Puss in Boots soon realizes that Shrek isn’t as easy to defeat as initially thought. Puss in Boots was at first sent by Harold to assassinate Shrek. Once Puss in Boots realizes he’s no match for Shrek, he says, “Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.” Shrek busts out one of the funniest Shrek quotes, saying, “Join the club, we got jackets.” It’s yet another reminder that Shrek is used to being misjudged to the point he’s become sarcastic about it.

“I Live In A Swamp! I Put Up Signs! I’m A Terrifying Ogre! What Do I Have To Do To Get A Little Privacy?”

Shrek

Shrek does everything in his power to keep the outside world away from his precious swamp. He has signs surrounding his home, and the environment itself is inhospitable at best. However, that doesn’t stop the fairytale creatures from getting evicted from Far Far Away and setting up camp in Shrek’s home. Incredulous at the number of creatures suddenly in his area, he says one of the best Shrek quotes going over the exhaustive work he’s done to keep people away from him. It’s within Shrek’s character development and narrative arc not to be so isolated, but the quote is an example of his character in the beginning.

“I Didn’t Know We Could Do That.”

Shrek: Forever After

Shrek discovers an entirely new talent when he meets his ogre brethren in Shrek Forever After resulting in one of the best Shrek quotes. Shrek is confused when he meets Fiona, now in charge of an ogre militia bent on ending Rumpelstiltskin’s reign. Brogan is the first to greet Shrek, welcoming him to the resistance. When Shrek questions him on this, Brogan states that they fight for oppressed ogres everywhere, then holds his nose and blows, causing his ears to act as a trumpet. The rest of the ogres follow suit, and one of the funniest Shrek quotes sees the protagonist admitting he had no idea he had that ability.

“Hello, They Locked You In A Tower!”

Shrek 2

One of the biggest hurdles that Shrek faces in the sequel is meeting Fiona’s parents — and this scene sparks one of the best Shrek quotes. After returning from their honeymoon, the two are invited to Far Far Away for a ball, and Shrek reluctantly accepts. After the journey, they approach the castle and what ensues is a scene of finishing one another’s sentences. As King Harold and Queen Lillian are horrified at who their daughter has brought home, Shrek desperately tries to get Fiona to take him back to the swamp. When Fiona interjects that they’re her parents, Shrek rightfully shoots back “Hello, they locked you in a tower!”.