Spaceballs is a parody of the well-known and beloved Star Wars franchise, but the gags in the movie were so strong that it’s almost become its own independent sci-fi comedy universe. The film breaks the fourth wall from time to time and features plenty of sidesplitting moments that are centered around memorable quotes from Spaceballs‘ classic screenplay. Each character provides plenty of hysterical one-liners, especially Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis), a character based on Darth Vader. With so many memorable quotes to choose from, picking out the best Spaceballs quotes isn’t as easy as it may initially seem.
The best Spaceballs quotes are often references to popular sci-fi movie franchises but some of them are just good old-fashioned Mel Brooks gags that play on words and lovably goofy characters. From Barf (John Candy) and Lone Starr (Bill Pullman) to Yogurt (Mel Brooks) and Colonel Sandurz (George Wyner), there are so many hilarious characters in Spaceballs delivering unforgettable quotes left and right.
Contents
- 1 20 “They’ve Gone To Plaid!”
- 2 19 “Spaceballs, The T-Shirt! Spaceballs, The Coloring Book! Spaceballs, The Lunchbox! Spaceballs, The Breakfast Cereal! Spaceballs, The Flamethrower!”
- 3 18 “I’ve Lost The Bleeps, I’ve Lost The Sweeps, And I’ve Lost The Creeps.”
- 4 17 “Lock One. Lock Two. Lock Three. Loch Lomond!”
- 5 16 “Listen, We’re Not Just Doing This For Money. We’re Doing It For A S*** Load Of Money!”
- 6 15 “God Willing, We’ll All Meet Again In Spaceballs 2: The Search For More Money.”
- 7 14 “Look, Your Highness, It’s Not That We’re Afraid. Far From It. It’s Just That We Got This Thing About Death. It’s Not Us.”
- 8 13 “Oh, No. Not Again.”
- 9 12 “Please, Please, Don’t Make A Fuss. I’m Just Plain Yogurt.”
- 10 11 “I’m A Mawg: Half Man, Half Dog. I’m My Own Best Friend.”
- 11 10 “So. At Last, We Meet For The First Time, For The Last Time.”
- 12 9 “I Am Your Father’s Brother’s Nephew’s Cousin’s Former Roommate.”
- 13 8 “We’re At Now, Now.”
- 14 7 “Excuse Me, I’m Trying To Conduct A Wedding Here, Which Has Nothing To Do With Love! Please Be Quiet!”
- 15 6 “My Hair! He Shot My Hair! Son Of A B****.”
- 16 5 “No Sir, I Didn’t See You Playing With Your Dolls Again!”
- 17 4 “May The Schwartz Be With You.”
- 18 3 “You Listen! On This Ship, You’re To Refer To Me As ‘Idiot,’ Not ‘You Captain.’ I Mean… You Know What I Mean.”
- 19 2 “So The Combination Is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That’s The Stupidest Combination I Ever Heard In My Life!”
- 20 1 “I Knew It! I’m Surrounded By A**holes.”
20 “They’ve Gone To Plaid!”
Barf
Parodying the Star Wars franchise, Spaceball One chases after Lone Starr’s ship by going to “ludicrous speed”, which proves to be far too quick for the pursuit speed that they actually need. As Spaceball One speeds past them, Barf and Lone Starr are engulfed in a plaid-patterned light, referencing the way that the light of the stars starts to bend when lightspeed is engaged in Star Wars.
19 “Spaceballs, The T-Shirt! Spaceballs, The Coloring Book! Spaceballs, The Lunchbox! Spaceballs, The Breakfast Cereal! Spaceballs, The Flamethrower!”
Yogurt
Spaceballs is all about poking fun at Star Wars in a loving way and the massive impact that the original sci-fi blockbuster made wasn’t just in filmmaking but in merchandising. This hilarious moment comes from Yogurt, a character who’s clearly a play on Star Wars‘ Yoda, as they show off all the ready-made Spaceballs movie merchandise, capping it all off with a big blast from the flamethrower.
18 “I’ve Lost The Bleeps, I’ve Lost The Sweeps, And I’ve Lost The Creeps.”
Radar Technician
Michael Winslow is best known to movie fans as Larvell Jones from the Police Academy movies, in which he got to extensively show off his abilities in mimicking sound effects with his own voice. Winslow makes an appearance as a radar technician on Spaceball One who explains the ship’s loss of function in the way that only Winslow can, simulating just what a “beeps”, “sweeps”, and “creeps” sound like with his amazing voice.
17 “Lock One. Lock Two. Lock Three. Loch Lomond!”
Snotty
Though most of the sci-fi gags in Spaceballs are inspired by the Star Wars franchise, some other famous sci-fi properties are referenced throughout. One of the most direct references comes in the form of a teleportation technician named “Snotty”, who is obviously a nod to the character of Montgomery Scott from Star Trek. The lovingly named “Scotty” often shows his Scottish pride in Star Trek and so too does Snotty with this classically Mel Brooks movie line that plays on his character.
16 “Listen, We’re Not Just Doing This For Money. We’re Doing It For A S*** Load Of Money!”
Lone Starr
The movie’s leading hero character is more a riff on Han Solo than Luke Skywalker and Lone Starr’s all-around scoundrel-like qualities are hilariously highlighted by this line as they consider the perilous task that they’ve been given. As he convinces his loyal partner, Barf, of the benefits of their mission, the short-sighted Lone Starr may not come off as smart, but it’s also hard not to see his point too.
15 “God Willing, We’ll All Meet Again In Spaceballs 2: The Search For More Money.”
Yogurt
Yogurt bids farewell to the main characters after their meeting and sends them off with another of the movie’s more meta nods that reference the commercial success of Star Wars, this time via a reference to the Star Trek movie sequel, The Search for Spock. Fans have actually been asking for a Spaceballs 2 ever since the original arrived and though it hasn’t happened yet, the Star Wars legacy and its propensity for sequels is as ripe for parody as ever.
14 “Look, Your Highness, It’s Not That We’re Afraid. Far From It. It’s Just That We Got This Thing About Death. It’s Not Us.”
Barf
Barf is clearly a loyal friend if not a particularly brave one, but that’s part of what makes the character as funny as they are in the movie, not to mention John Candy’s lovable performance. Here, Barf explains that, as reckless as he and Lone Starr seem to be, even they aren’t dumb enough to go up against the murderously uptight Spaceballs. But their minds are quickly changed by the promise of a shipload of space bucks.
13 “Oh, No. Not Again.”
John Hurt
Of the many, many pop culture references made throughout Spaceballs, one of the funniest without a doubt is John Hurt’s cameo in the diner scene when his background character suddenly collapses and an alien bursts out of his chest. This is a direct reference to Ridley Scott’s iconic sci-fi movie Alien, but it’s the baby alien’s rendition of “Hello! Ma Baby”, followed by Lone Starr and Barf yelling “check, please” in unison, that make it so unforgettably funny.
12 “Please, Please, Don’t Make A Fuss. I’m Just Plain Yogurt.”
Yogurt
Not every joke in Spaceballs is Star Wars-related and Brooks just can’t help himself when it comes to the knowingly cheesy gags that he’s known to put into his movies. This line here is a great example of a line that shouldn’t be as funny as it is but just plain works in the movie. Yogurt says this in response to a chorus of praises about his famous and well-respected name, delivering it with the total confidence that only Mel Brooks can give to such an obvious joke.
11 “I’m A Mawg: Half Man, Half Dog. I’m My Own Best Friend.”
Barf
Played by the late great John Candy, Barf is clearly a parody of the iconic character of Chewbacca from Star Wars, being literally a half-man and half-dog creature with a wagging tail and a love for bone-shaped treats too. Barf hilariously explains this and the pun at the center of his species’ name when he first meets Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga) and Dot Matrix (Joan Rivers), delivering another of the movie’s most simple-yet-effective gags.
10 “So. At Last, We Meet For The First Time, For The Last Time.”
Dark Helmet
The final confrontation between Lone Starr and Dark Helmet would be at least a semi-serious moment in almost any other movie but Spaceballs treats it with just as much irreverence as it gives to everything else. Lone Starr marks the occasion with this hilarious observation about how the two characters hate each other yet have no real history with one another. Though Dark Helmet does find one connection between the two in another hilarious Spaceballs quote.
9 “I Am Your Father’s Brother’s Nephew’s Cousin’s Former Roommate.”
Dark Helmet
This line parodies the famous “I am your father” moment from The Empire Strikes Back that wowed audiences on release and instantly became one of the most infamous moments of both the franchise and movie history in general. Sending up such an iconic line requires more than just one layer to the joke, and Spaceballs rightly drags it out, making it sillier and sillier with each person added to the distant chain of relation.
8 “We’re At Now, Now.”
Colonel Sandurz
The entire exchange between Rick Moranis’ Dark Helmet and Colonel Sandurz in regard to where they’re at in the movie as they fast-forward on their acquired VHS copy of Spaceballs is hilarious in itself. The dialogue is fast, it’s witty, and Sandurz tries to keep it simple for the very confused Dark Helmet, offering him the above quote at one point in explanation. It’s a good quote to reuse, whenever possible, and a fun reference to a classic Mel Brooks film.
7 “Excuse Me, I’m Trying To Conduct A Wedding Here, Which Has Nothing To Do With Love! Please Be Quiet!”
The Minister
Annoyed with the constant interruptions during Vespa’s second attempt to marry Prince Valium (Jim J. Bullock), this hilarious Spaceballs quote comes from the minister (Ronny Graham). Vespa is unhappy to be marrying someone she doesn’t love, and this is reflected in the minister’s attitude, as he seems used to marrying people that aren’t in love. What makes the quote so funny is the minister’s tone and the quiet apologies from the wedding party, as well as the fact that the minister is played by one of the movie’s writers.
6 “My Hair! He Shot My Hair! Son Of A B****.”
Princess Vespa
Daphne Zuniga made an impression as Princess Vespa, and this quote and the scene she says it in are unforgettable. Initially, Vespa isn’t thrilled when Lone Starr hands her a gun. Her stance is that she hates guns – that is until one of their group’s pursuers takes a shot that hits her hair. After that, it’s personal, and Vespa goes into Rambo mode by taking out every single one of their pursuers, with her party significantly impressed, especially Dot, who comments “that was pretty good for Rambo.”
5 “No Sir, I Didn’t See You Playing With Your Dolls Again!”
Colonel Sandurz
Dark Helmet’s scene, in which he plays with his doll versions of Vespa, himself, Lone Starr, Dot, and Barf, is one of the film’s most unforgettable moments. The voices he assigns to each character, along with his lines, are nothing less than hysterical. Colonel Sandurz walking in on him is just the icing on the cake. Sandurz assures Dark Helmet he didn’t see anything, but he contradicts that statement by describing in the above quote exactly what he saw, and he adds, “again.” Audiences would think that if Sandurz had caught Dark Helmet playing with his dolls before, he might have remembered to knock next time.
4 “May The Schwartz Be With You.”
Yogurt
This is undoubtedly one of the best-known quotes from the film. It’s Spaceballs’ take on the popular Star Wars quote, “May the Force be with you.” “Schwartz” is actually just as catchy, and it definitely suits Yogurt’s philosophy. Either way, it’s fun to bid someone with these good wishes, whether it’s “Force” or “Schwartz,” especially a fellow Star Wars or Spaceballs fan who will understand the reference.
3 “You Listen! On This Ship, You’re To Refer To Me As ‘Idiot,’ Not ‘You Captain.’ I Mean… You Know What I Mean.”
Lone Starr
Lone Starr’s line when he meets Princess Vespa in person is funny because of the accidental use of ‘idiot’ instead of what he would prefer to be called. It’s somewhat romantic, because Lone Starr is obviously taken with the Princess, and surprised that his initial impression of her was far from the truth. His winded response is hilarious because not only does he fail to tell her off as he’d planned, but he also made himself look quite foolish in the process.
2 “So The Combination Is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That’s The Stupidest Combination I Ever Heard In My Life!”
Dark Helmet
Wanting to find out the combination to the air shield on Planet Druidia, Dark Helmet and Colonel Sandurz provoke one of the most perfectly-aged jokes from Spaceballs when they threaten to give Vespa a nose job, which would replace her new nose with her previous, unflattering one. This breaks her father and gets him to tell them the combination, which is something Dark Helmet and Colonel Sandurz probably could have guessed, to begin with. They went to a lot of trouble to get a silly combination, and the joke is perfectly used again when President Skroob confesses it’s the combination to his own luggage, amplifying its stupidity.
1 “I Knew It! I’m Surrounded By A**holes.”
Dark Helmet
A family with an unfortunate name turns out to be the majority of the ship’s crew. It begins with a particular a**hole who was firing a little too close to Princess Vespa when Dark Helmet was initially trying to capture her. He soon learns that he’s surrounded by a**holes, which is hilarious for obvious reasons. Perhaps the family of a**holes should consider a name change.